The Death of Chandler Bing

And why I'm not writing about General Synod. Yet.

If you want to tweet, bear this in mind. What you are writing will be available to all of humanity for the rest of human history. Are you sure you need to say this?

We probably all know the rule about not sending an email while angry. I would go further. Before sending that email, imagine how it would sound if it were read out in court. Are you sure you want to say this in this way? (And do you really want to Reply All?)

Having just returned from the General Synod of the Church of England, I’m asking myself these questions, concluding it would be unwise to explain how I’m feeling at the moment. I don’t agree with the old adage that if you can’t think of anything nice to say, don’t say anything. But neither does it help to vent.

How we should speak

On the final morning, some of us briefly reminded ourselves of Paul’s words in 1 Thessalonians 2:3-10 so that we would speak in the chamber in a way that honours Christ and the gospel:

For our appeal does not spring from error or impurity or any attempt to deceive but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts.

For we never came with words of flattery, as you know, nor with a pretext for greed—God is witness. Nor did we seek glory from people, whether from you or from others… But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.

It’s a real challenge to see someone with whom you deeply disagree as a mother sees her children, but that is the charge.

One can assume this applies to talking about the same people after the event, so that’s why I’m not writing anything about General Synod. Yet. At least not much.

Some of you might be sad about that. Several hundred words of rage might be entertaining or cathartic for you.

General Synod is an easy target. People often say to me that I should write a sitcom about the General Synod. I always reply that it wouldn’t work for two reasons. Firstly, it’s too complicated. And secondly, sitcoms have to have believable characters. General Synod is pretty thin on the latter. The unbelievable things various characters did at the latest session of General Synod would…

Oops, steady. I’m not going there. Not now. Not yet. If at all.

Behold, The Awesome Power of My Oratory

I could share the speech I wrote in favour of Bishop Andrew of Guildford’s amendment asking for Prayers of Love and Faith to be brought in via Canon B2. This was really helpful and reflects my view of the whole process which can be summarised thus: if you’re going to do the wrong thing, please do it the right way.

That was not in my speech, but it did contain a reference to The Princess Bride (“You keep using the phrase ‘Iterative process’. I don’t think it means what you think it means”), and a song title from The Smiths (“Heaven knows I’m iterative now”). But as the debate went on, the time for that speech passed and it remains unspoken and unheard somewhere on my laptop.

And That’s Lunch

During the lunch break, I wrote an entirely different and, if I say so myself, quite amusing speech. It contained an imaginary conversation with my children taking place after getting home from Synod, which lapsed into moments of Stewart-Lee-style self-deconstruction.

I didn’t include the line that I would like to have done which would have been this: “Daddy, why was your speech not as funny as Rev Dr Tom Woolford’s, even though you’re the professional comedy writer?”. It didn’t feel like the right moment for that kind of self-indulgent levity. (Tom’s speech is worth three minutes of your time and can be found here.)

The speech probably would not have made any difference and remains unspoken and also on my laptop. I’m not sure it works on paper. I guess you had to be there. Had I been called speak. Which I wasn’t. In my head, it was glorious. So I’ll just cling on to that.

There are some things to be said about the November General Synod, but not now.

In the meantime, why not read an article I wrote for Seen&Unseen about another sad event: the death of Matthew Perry, aka Chandler Bing?

I was really pleased with the way the article came out. I think you’ll like it.

I also wrote for Seen&Unseen about Friends back in March: