Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged

How Abraham Lincoln Won Friends and Influenced People

In 1936, a man running a course was persuaded to turn it into a book. The man was initially dubious about the idea, but Leon Shimkin from Simon & Schuster eventually persuaded Dale Carnegie to write a book called How to Win Friends and Influence People. Selling 250,000 copies in the first three months, it went on to sell 30 million copies. And it still sells at least 250,000 copies a year today.

It was not without its detractors. In 1937, one critic said Carnegie's method was teaching people to "smile and bob and pretend to be interested in other people's hobbies precisely so that you may screw things out of them." After all, the title - How to Win Friends and Influence People - does sound rather manipulative.

I started reading the book last week, and have so far read how people respond extremely poorly to criticism or judgment. This includes villains, murderers and racketeers. Even Al Capone was indignant that he was being painted as the bad guy when he felt all he was trying to do was provide a service that people wanted – in his case, illicit booze.

Carnegie’s point is that if you want to influence the behaviour of people, criticising them publicly or to their face will not achieve the result you’re looking for. Pride is dented, honour is questioned and people become defensive, doubling-down on their flaws or mistakes.

Carnegie uses Abraham Lincoln as an example of someone who found success by not criticising people. Although Lincoln grew up writing critical letters to newspapers calling out his enemies, he took a different approach as President of the United States. After all, he had a civil war to fight, so he couldn’t afford any more of his own countrymen becoming enemies. So he made a habit of never criticising his generals or colleagues.

Carnegie says that Lincoln’s favourite phrase was this: “Judge not lest ye be judged.”

Startling Providence. Twice.

I was startled to read this in How to Win Friends and Influence People last Wednesday morning, as I had just started work on a sermon for Sunday night. My text was Luke 6:37-42, which begins, in the NIV, “Do not judge, and you will not be judged”.

Why does Jesus say this to his followers? Is he trying to teach them how to win friends and influence people? Is he saying: Don’t criticise people because they won’t like it, they’ll get defensive – and they won’t like you? And if you’re a Christian, they should like you?

And here’s the second bit of providential timing.  The latest episode of Cooper and Cary Have Words was on the subject of being winsome. So this is something I’ve been thinking about rather a lot recently.

Finger-wagging

The words “Judge not lest ye be judged” are still going strong, nearly two thousand years after Jesus said them and Luke and Matthew wrote them down. If someone says these words to you today, they usually mean, “I’ve done something that might be bad, but don’t judge me, because who are you to say what’s bad or wrong? You’re up to something just as bad. So don’t judge me, or you’ll be judged. We’re all hypocrites. You’re no better than me. Nobody’s perfect. I’m just living my truth. Also: go away.”

Thus, any lifestyle, action or plan is acceptable because, well, who are you to say what’s right and wrong? Who can judge? Not you. Not anyone. And if you do judge or challenge, especially in the name of Jesus, well, we know that’s wrong (for some reason) and you should be cancelled, publicly shamed, made to go on a course to be educated, or fired.

It's pretty tense out there in the culture. A spiritual battle is raging, both in society and within the Church. But again, that’s nothing new. In Luke chapters 4 and 5, we see Jesus being rejected, questioned and challenged as he teaches and performs miraculous signs. He even drives out demons and impure spirits. How much more of a ‘spiritual battle’ do we want?

So why does Jesus say ‘judge not lest ye be judged’? Is it because we’re not equipped for this battle – and therefore he’s helping us avoid confrontation? We know in our heart of hearts there are times when it would be a sin not to speak up about a boss who is harassing people, or a colleague who is stealing, or a friend or family member with a habit or addiction that’s toxic or self-destructive. What do we do then?

We don’t do anything. Jesus isn’t giving us a technique, a hack, or fool-proof negotiation strategy. It’s not about what we do or say. It’s about what we are like. In fact, it’s about who we are like.

Context, Dear Boy

Read the rest of the verse. And go back one verse. The context is everything. Jesus says:

Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

Christians are not to judge and condemn, but seek to forgive – because God is merciful. He withholds judgment and condemnation. And he finds a way to forgive.

Look back in Luke, and we see how Jesus treats people, with grace, kindness and gentleness. It shouldn’t be a surprise since this Jesus is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being. So you’ll find God is the same in the Old Testament. God’s people do some truly extraordinary and imaginatively awful things, grumbling despite his kindness, worshipping idols and sacrificing children to pagan gods, alongside all kinds of sexual depravity. But God does not treat them as their sins deserve. We would be much quicker to judge. We are not like God. But we are to be like God: merciful.

A repeated phrase in the OT tells us what God is like. It goes:

The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin.

Be like God. Slow to anger. Abounding in love.

Rage Rewarded

Our problem today is that the media (old, new and social) rewards rage. It’s entertaining and addictive. We all have those websites, pundits, commentators and YouTube channels that will give us the hit we need as those on the opposing side are called out, humiliated and owned. Our society runs on rage. How did Greta Thumberg shoot to fame? By being publicly incredibly angry.

Righteous anger has its place. I wonder if that place is such a small place that we should stop justifying ourselves by the use of the term.

Moreover, we don’t need to be judgmental and condemnatory because it’s all in God’s hands. God does judge. He has judged. He will judge. The rest of that oft-repeated verse continues:

Yet God does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.

God’s got this. He judges. So we can show mercy.

What about Winsomeness?

Why not listen to the Cooper and Cary podcast to find out whether Tim Keller’s just too nice… Yes. We went there.

And don’t forget that Water into Wine starts streaming, if you’ll forgive the pun, on 12th May. To make sure you’re notified when it drops, subscribe to this Substack for free:

Oh, on Popcorn Parenting, Nate confesses to nearly shouting 'You go, girl!' at the screen as he talks to me about his favourite Disney princess, Rapunzel from the 50th Disney movie, Tangled. There's an awful lot about parenting here.